If You Must Know, I Love You
by ScreamItOutLoudd
Summary: Kanda discovers that he has feelings for Lenalee. Will these feelings be shared? And what happens when Kanda thinks Lenalee is gone? Summaries suck. Please give story a chance.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first D. Gray Man fanfic. I am a huge fan of Kanda. (Isn't he the best?) I also like the pairing of Kanda and Lenalee, so hopefully you do too, because that is what this story is about. Please review, and enjoy the story. I will post as soon as possible.**

* * *

The hourglass contained a single lotus flower. It was in full bloom. He held the glass in his hands. Suddenly the petals started to fall. He stared in panic.

_No! This can't be happening!_

His airway was growing tight. He could feel his lungs screaming for air, but he could not draw a breath. He was suffocating.

"Kanda! Kanda, wake up!"

he jerked upright, breathing heavily. Lenalee and the finders were all around him. HE closed his eves and drew in a deep breath to calm himself. He could feel his shirt sticking to his chest.

He had often had this dream. Each time he dreamed it, the lotus would stick in his mind for hours. He knew, though, that his life was fine, that the lotus was still in the hourglass in his room, in full bloom.

"Kanda? Are you alright? You were screaming," Lenalee said. He shivered, but not from the cold. He was screaming now?

"I'm fine. Go to sleep." The finders quickly went back to their beds, for their fear of what Kanda could do with his katana was all too great. Lenalee, however, stayed put.

"Kanda?" She looked at him, concerned.

"I said I'm fine," he snapped.

"Right. Goodnight Kanda."

"Hm." She walked back over to her pack and lay on her sleeping bag. They were staying the night in a field, on their way back to Headquarters. They had been on a mission to recover an Innocence fragment, a task that Kanda did exceptionally well at. Given Komui's directions, Kanda figured they would arrive at the Black Order sometime in the evening.

Kanda stood up. It was still dark out, but he could sense that dawn was coming. _Besides_, he thought, _I'll never fall back asleep anyway_. He knew that the dream would haunt him. He put on his coat and began to roll up his pack. He was anxious to leave.

A burst of purple light in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He whirled around, unsheathing Mugen as he did. In the distance he saw five huge forms heading towards them. Each had about a dozen limbs, guns, aiming toward their camp.

"Innocence, activate!" he yelled. "Lenalee! Akuma!"

"Akuma? Activate!" Her legs were suddenly dressed in a pair of boots. Her Dark Boots had been activated. The group of Finders were quickly packing up.

"Run to safety!" Lenalee yelled to them. They quickly ran to the shelter of a nearby orchard. Gunshots were heard and Kanda saw the five akuma shooting huge, purple-glowing bullets at them. He sprinted forward. Two akuma aimed their guns at him. Kanda jumped in the air.

"First Illusion! Hell's Insects!" he cried, swinging his katana in front of his body. The illusion created six beasts with pointed noses that shot forward toward the akuma. They collided and the akuma blew up. Kanda glanced to his left and saw Lenalee take out an akuma with her dark boots. He sliced the last demon in two with Mugen.

"Deactivate," he said. The katana stopped glowing blue and turned back to its usual black. He sheathed it.

"Kanda! Are you okay?"

"Of course. Level one's couldn't hurt me." He raised his voice so the Finders could hear. "Let's get going. There could be more coming."

He started to walk west in the direction of the Order. He heard footsteps as the Finders ran to catch up to himself and Lenalee. He took a deep breath and sighed. Eyes were boring into his back and when he looked, he saw Lenalee watching him. She continued to stare until she realized Kanda saw. She blushed and turned away, engaging a Finder in conversation.

Kanda dropped his head to hide his smile. He didn't know why he suddenly felt like this. He had this longing, this want. But why was it for Lenalee? He grew up with her. Not to mention, Komui would kill him if he knew how he felt about Lenalee. Not that he was afraid of Komui. Kanda knew that he could take Komui down in two seconds.

"Che-" he sighed and picked up the pace.

Kanda restrained himself from looking at Lenalee for the rest of the morning and well into the afternoon. He knew that she was concerned about his nightmare. He could feel her glancing at him continuously.

Finally they reached the underground canal that led to the Order. Kanda, Lenalee, and the two finders piled into a gondola and set off. The reached the dock and got out, walking to the elevators. The finders stepped in one, leaving Kanda and Lenalee to share the next.

"Kanda?" she said, when the elevator started to move upward.

"What?" he snapped. Her eyes grew wide and he could tell he had hurt her. Why was he always so mean?

"Was it the dream about the lot-"

"I don't want to talk about it," he cut her off. She nodded somberly.

"Okay. Sorry." They stood in silence for a little while longer.

"Oh. Kanda?"

"Yes?" he tried to say nicely. The word came out through his teeth.

"Today is your birthday, isn't it?"

"Oh, um, yeah." He forgot his own birthday. Today was June sixth. How stupid. He was nineteen.

"Happy birthday!"

"Hm," he sighed. Lenalee's smile faded. Luckily the elevator stopped and the doors opened. Kanda tried to make a quick escape, but he walked right into someone just beyond the doors.

"Ow," said the white haired boy.

"Watch where you're going, Moyashi!" Kanda snapped.

"You ran into me, remember? Or are you to slow to realize that?" came his retort.

"Who're you calling slow?" Kanda yelled.

"If the shoe fits..." Allen trailed off.

"Why you-"

"Enough!" Kanda felt a hand on his chest as he was forced away from Allen. Lenalee stood between them, a hand reaching out toward both. "I'm sick and tired of you two constantly bickering. Can't you just stop?"

She burst into tears and ran off. Kanda and Allen stood in shock.

"Lenalee!" Allen called. He turned and glared at Kanda before running in her wake.

"Damn Moyashi," Kanda muttered under his breath. He sighed and walked through the halls. He tried to forget about Lenalee and her tears, but the image would not leave his mind. Finally he reached his room, opened the door, and collapsed on his bed, suddenly exhausted.


	2. Chapter 2

2

It was dark out when Kanda finally awoke. He slipped out of his bed, fully dressed, and pulled on his boots. Then he attached Mugen to his side. When he had finished with that, Kanda left his room and walked toward the cafeteria. Not only was he starving, but he needed to find Lenalee, see her face. Kanda wanted some reassurance that she was not completely cross with him. He knew he should apologize as well, and planned to, however hard apologizing may be.

There was the roar of hundreds of voices coming from the cafeteria when Kanda arrived. He wondered if he should leave and come back later when everyone else was gone. He stood outside the doors, contemplating his options. Finally he could no longer ignore his growling stomach. He put his hand on the door handle and pulled the doors open.

"Surprise!" yelled everyone. A big banner was hanging from the ceiling. "Happy Birthday Kanda!" it read. He scowled. Kanda hated parties, especially when they were for him. He knew this was all Lenalee's idea, and try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to get angry with her. He had already hurt her enough.

Kanda forced a smile, which turned into more of a grimace, and headed over to Jerry.

"Soba," he said. The chef smiled and turned away. Then he returned moments later with a tray of steaming soba. Kanda grabbed it and walked to a table. He sat down and began to eat his favorite food.

"Happy Birthday Kanda," came a soft, feminine voice from behind him. He pushed his empty tray away and watched as Lenalee lowered herself onto the bench next to him. "I made you a cake," she said, placing the chocolate concoction in front of him. Kanda stared at it, just barely disguising his disgust for the sweet dessert.

"Aren't you going to have any?" she asked sweetly. Kanda looked at her. He could see in her eyes that she was no longer mad at him, but she was still a little hurt. Her eyes were slightly red and puffy. _Well, anything to make her happy._

"Sure," he said apprehensively. She missed this, however, and her face brightened considerably. She cut him a slice and placed it in front of him. Kanda forced himself to take a bite of the disgustingly sweet cake. He ate every last bite of his piece, until he was sure he would die from the unnatural sugar intake.

"That was good," he lied. She smiled at him and he tried to smile back. Kanda was just about to apologize when the idiot Moyashi came over and took Lenalee away. Kanda sighed. His anger mounted when Lenalee was replaced by the stupid rabbit.

"Yu! Happy birthday!"

"Don't call me by my first name!"

"Oh, Yu-kun's cranky!"

"Rabbit!"

"Okay, okay," he said timidly. Then, with an evil grin, "Got a crush, I see."

"Lavi, I will take my Mugen and cut you in two." Kanda smirked as Lavi shivered in fear of his katana. He contented himself for a moment thinking of how good it would feel to hurt the Bookman in training. Then the blast of what he had said hit Kanda. Was it obvious that he liked her.

"So, you like Lenalee," Lave said casually.

"Of course not!" came his reply.

"Really? Because you just ate an entire piece of chocolate cake, and you hate sweets! Plus, remember the time I tried to get you to eat cake? You threatened to drop me off the cliff." Lavi smiled at Kanda's obvious dismay. He leaned closer and whispered into his ear.

"Don't worry," he said. "It's only obvious to me because I know you so well." He stood up and walked away, laughing to himself.

Kanda gripped the hilt of his katana. His knuckles were white from the grip. He walked toward the cafeteria exit, knowing that the night could only get better. When her reached the doors, however, Kanda realized he was wrong. It could get worse.

Leverrier strode through the doors. He gave Kanda a curt nod before striding farther into the room. Kanda spun around and scanned the room. His eyes landed on Lenalee. She had a look of pure terror plastered on her face. _Dammit!_**I would like to apologize for the wait between chapters. I have been quite busy lately, but I promise I will try to post on a weekly, if not shorter, basis. I am also sorry that this chapter is so short. I will try to make the next one longer.**

* * *

**Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. I would appreciate any reviews. I really do enjoy getting them. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

_3_

A soft, tentative knock resounded on Kanda's door. He opened his eyes, and then shut them again. Not bothering to leave his meditation he called out for whoever it was to enter. The door creaked open and soft footsteps padded across the hard, stone floor. He sensed a body lowering itself next to him and stiffened a bit. He opened his eyes and saw Lenalee smiling at him. He closed them again.

"What is it?" he said, a little annoyed that he had been interrupted. All focus had fled from him the moment she had knocked on the door.

"Nothing. Just thought I'd try meditating with you for once?" She smiled again and closed her eyes, her hands folded in her lap.

Kanda. However, didn't miss a beat. "It's Leverrier, huh? You always seem to run over to my place when that guys around." He could sense Lenalee's discomfort.

"Uh..." She paused. " I just hate having everyone worry about me. Ever since we were small I could be with you, and you wouldn't ask me any questions, so it helps me relax."

Kanda expertly hid his smirk. Then a sudden realization seemed to crash over Lenalee. Kanda's whole body tensed at her outburst.

"I'm running away, aren't I? Ugh! I have to be stronger! But still..."

"You're breaking my concentration." Silence came from Lenalee.

"Che. I think you're a strong woman."

"Kanda?" she inquired, a small smile creeping onto her face.

"Shut up and meditate," was all he said.

"Ok!"

* * *

"Kanda? Do you think I could sleep in here tonight?" she asked suddenly. His whole concentration snapped and he stood up abruptly. Lenalee hastened to explain. "I wouldn't ask, but it's just that I heard them talking about putting a guard outside my room, and I figured that no one would look for me here. I considered Lavi's but-"

"No. You can stay here." He shuddered to think what would happen if she stayed the night in Lavi's room. It was too sickening to think about.

"They wouldn't have to put a guard out if you didn't run away every time Leverrier's around," he continued.

"I know," she said sadly. "I can't help it."

Kanda was anxious to get off this topic. "You can have my bed," he said, tossing a pillow at her.

"Oh, no. It's your room, I couldn't. I'll sleep on the floor."

"No," he said sternly. "The floor is too cold. Take the bed."

"I really insist on my taking the floor."

"Take the bed, Lenalee, or I will kick you out." She sat down on the bed.

"We could share," she suggested. Kanda felt his face heat up. He turned around to face the wall. He was sure his face was turning red from embarrassment, an emotion that Kanda thought he would never feel.

"That would be very inappropriate, plus what would Komui do if he found out?" he said.

"Come on, Kanda. It's not like we'll, well, do anything." She was blushing now. Kanda turned to face her. It was all he could do to keep from smirking.

"I really would rather not," he said, keeping his ground. Lenalee rolled her eyes.

"Kanda, you'll freeze just as much as I would. Get in the bed," she commanded. He folded his arms across his chest.

"Lenalee, don't be ridiculous."

"Kanda. Do it." He was rather taken-aback by her commanding tone and got into his bed. She got in next and Kanda made sure to leave the sheet between their bodies. He was strangely aware of how close their bodies were, even though he had himself pressed against the cold stone wall. He tried to fall asleep, but her was kept awake by the thought that he was sharing his bed with Lenalee. Komui would kill him if he ever found out.

Kanda could feel her shivering. He should have offered to get a few extra blankets. He was never bothered by the cold, so he therefore never needed anything more than the sheet on his bed. The mattress was shook by small tremors. Kanda knew he wouldn't fall asleep unless she stopped shivering, so he scooted next to her, wrapped an arm around her, and held Lenalee close. Her shivers subsided and Kanda drifted to sleep.

* * *

The lotus in the hourglass drooped, another petal falling to the bottom of the glass. Kanda stared at it, wide-eyed. He didn't even injure himself! He got up, careful of Lenalee, who was sleeping soundly, and picked up the glass.

He hated the thing! Hated it! He wished that it would just disappear. He didn't need another reminder of the life he lived and the time he had left. He tossed it in his hands.

"AHH!" he yelled and chucked the glass into the wall. It crashed against the stones and fell to the ground, but did not break. Kanda slumped against the wall and slid to the ground. He held his head in his hands.

"Kanda!"

He looked up. Lenalee was sitting up in bed. She saw him sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. Her eyes drifted to the hourglass across the room. She was at his side in a second.

"What happened?" she asked.

"It lost another petal," he said stonily. She reached out and hugged him, letting him rest his pounding head on her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"Forget it," he replied. He pulled away and massaged his temples.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. Lenalee looked at him quizzically. "I'm sorry that I've been rude to Allen. I know it hurts you. Please forgive me."

She looked shocked at his words. Kanda could feel the panic rising within him. She wasn't going to forgive him. He had blown it.

"Nevermi-" he began stiffly.

"Sorry," Lenalee said quickly. "I'm just surprised. You never apologize. But yes, I forgive you." His panic faded and he stood up, grabbing the hourglass.

"You do?" he asked, placing it on a table. She nodded.

"Of course. I always will." Kanda walked over to where she stood. He grabbed her shoulders and held her close. He didn't know what had come over him. All he knew was that he wanted to hold Lenalee in his arms forever.

"Thank you," he whispered into her hair.

"You're welcome. Shall we go get breakfast?" she asked.

"I need to change."

"Okay. I'll meet you there." She left his room. Kanda pulled on his training clothes and grabbed Mugen, clipping the katana onto his side. Then he grabbed a red cord and pulled his hair into a ponytail. He crossed to the door and opened it.

"Yu!" There was a flash of black as Kanda pulled out his blade. Lavi stared up at him from the ground, his headband around his neck.

"Yu! Relax!" he shrieked. He stood up, wiping dust from his pants. Kanda sheathed Mugen.

"Don't call me Yu," he snarled in a deathly tone. Lavi ignored him.

"How'd it go last night? Strike?" he asked, raising his one visible eyebrow. Within seconds Kanda had grabbed him by the throat and was holding him in the air.

"What the hell do you mean?"

"Can't...breathe...need...air," Lavi choked out. Kanda let go and the bookman fell in a heap on the ground. "Not so well, I take it," he managed through gulps of air.

"Lavi! Shut up!"

"What? I'm just curious. I mean, she walked out of your room in her pajamas. What if Komui had seen?"

"You are disgusting. Nothing happened. Happy?" Kanda turned and started walking. He was getting angrier by the second.

"Hey! Where're you going?"

"To the indoor track."

"Aren't you eating?"

"Not hungry."

"I'll come with you!"

"NO!"

"Yu-kun, please?"

"Fine. Stop whining."

"Right!" They had reached the track. Kanda entered. Other exorcists were there exercising. He stepped onto the track.

"Keep up if you can, Rabbit," Kanda said before starting to run.

* * *

**Hello! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to get a post up, so it is 6 in the morning and I am getting ready for school and writing. Anyway, do you think I am making Kanda like Kanda? OOC means out of character, right? Is he OOC?**

**Please review! I would appreciate it. They are fun to read, and I like seeing that I have fans.**


	4. Chapter 4

4

"Oh...my...God. Can't...we...stop...yet?"

"This is barely a warmup."

"Kanda! We've...been...running...for...two...hours. How...are you...not...even...breathing hard?"

"This is a cakewalk. Don't complain. Stop running if you're tired, idiot." Kanda saw, out of the corner of his eye, Lavi fall on the track. He rolled his eyes and kept running. Kanda was around the track ten times before Lavi could drag himself off of it.

He stopped when he reached the space where Lavi was laying. How pathetic. The rabbit was panting on the ground.

"Stand up and put your hands behind your head. It helps you breathe better, idiot."

"Thanks."

"Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not trying to be nice. We can't afford to lose an exorcist in battle due to a poor lung capacity."

"Why are you always so mean?" Lavi whined. Kanda smirked and walked away, grabbing Mugen.

"Hey! Where are you going?"  
"I'm hungry."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kanda walked into the cafeteria, his hair slipping from it's ponytail after his run. He had changed into his uniform with his katana attached to his side. He had wanted a better workoutm but with Lavi there it had turned into more of an annoyance. It was difficult to run in peace when he was followed by a baby.

"Soba, Kanda?" Jerry asked.

"Yes."

"Here you go." The cook passed a tray to Kanda. He nodded at Jerry and took the food, inhaling the scent of the soba. He carried his tray to an empty table and sat down. He began to eat when he felt the air rush by him. Someone had rushed past, creating a breeze. He glanced up and saw a girl with a short skirt and long black hair in two pigtails. Lenalee.

Damn. He had totally skipped out on Lenalee this morning. His encounter with Lavi had pissed him off, and he needed to get rid of his anger. He had gone straight to the track without even thinking of his promise to eat with her. He got up and ran after her, catching her wrist. She twisted around.

"Let go." He dropped her wrist.

"Lenalee," he began. She glared at him and started walking. He easily kept pace. "Listen to me," he said.

"Save it." She started to move faster. Kanda, in an attempt to get in front of her and block her way, ran into a table.

"Che. Wait!" She ignored him. They were in the middle of the cafeteria now, with every face turned toward them.

"I'm sorry!" he yelled. Silence. Complete silence. Every face held a look of shock. They started to whisper.

"What did he say?"

"Kanda? Apologizing? Oh my God!"

"Did he really just say that!?"

He felt his face flush. He wanted to slap himself, letting his weakness show. Idiot. Lenalee saw his cheeks go faintly pink and found that she couldn't help but smile. He was too cute to stay mad at.

"I forgive you," she said. More whispers ensued.

"That Lenalee is so selfless!"

"She's so sweet."

"I can't believe she would forgive that punk Kanda! What an angel!"

Kanda could feel his anger reaching heights. These people never stopped talking. His hand gripped Mugen. Whispers kept coming, praising Lenalee and bashing himself. Finally, Kanda had had enough.

"Shut up!" he bellowed, activating his Innocence and destroying a nearby table. Terrified looks appeared on all faces. A soft hand touched his own.

"Put it away, Kanda," Lenalee said softly. She tried to hide her fear, but Kanda could see that he had scared her. He sheathed his Mugen and walked away. When he was out of the cafeteria he realized that he never even got to finish his food.

"Kanda," came her voice.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said. He stared at her for a moment. Lenalee reached out and touched his face, her palm against his cheek. She stood on tiptoe. Kanda could feel his heart pounding.

"Kanda! Is that you?" came a familiar, and annoying, voice. Lenalee dropped her hand and Kanda stepped back from her. Komui arrived next to them.

"Lenalee! I didn't see you! Oh, I'm so excited! I have good news!" he said in a sing-song voice. Kanda scowled. Komui's good news certainly meant his own bad news.

"What is it, Nii-san?" Lenalee asked.

"We are hosting an Exorcists Ball! Of course, you two must be there, along with the rest of the exorcists! And I am opening it up to all the science department and the finders!"

"Are you serious?! This will be so much fun!" Lenalee exclaimed. Komui smiled at his sister.

"It will be a formal occasion, of course. Suit and tie, ball gowns!"

"No way," growled Kanda. Komui's brilliant smile faded. But, all to soon, it was replaced with one more sinister.

"If you don't go I will destroy your room and make you bunk with Allen. I will also see to it that all of your missions are with Walker as well."

"Fine. I'll go. But I am in no way dancing with anyone!" He shot a look of pure venom at Komui and turned on his heel.

"Oh! And Kanda, don't forget to buy a suit!"

Kanda inhaled sharply, but kept walking. The sooner this ball ended, the better.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Since when did the Order have a ballroom?_ Kanda wondered. He stood outside the big doors, stalling his entrance. The murmur of voices was loud, even through the doorway. He knew that he was probably the only one left to enter.

He smoothed the front of his tux. Though he hated to sat it, Kanda actually liked the feeling of the suit. It was a perfect fit; not too tight, not too loose. He was wearing a black jacket and dress pants, with a white button down shirt and black tie. He was even wearing tuxedo shoes, though he much rather would have worn his exorcists boots.

Kanda ran a slender hand through his hair, which he had opted to leave out of the ponytail. He took a deep breath and placed his hand on the door. He turned the knob and stepped inside.

How much longer did he have to endure this? Kanda was sitting in the same chair he had been in for the past three hours. Every time he had tried to leave, Komui had appeared and repeated his threat.

"Che."

"Kanda! There you are! I've been looking for you!"

"Lenalee. You look...stunning." Her blush seemed to cover her entire body. She was wearing one of those princess dresses. It was strapless, with a corset back and a poufy skirt. The bodice was white with black trim and detailing. A wide black belt was wrapped around her hips, secured by a cross-shaped bin of black stone. The skirt was black, with tiny jewels sparkling on it. Her hair was pulled into an elegant bun on the top of her head. Sparkles were in her hair, and a few spiral curls framed her face. Kanda could think of no other word to describe her. His heart sped up just looking at her.

"Thanks!" she said shyly, her head tilted at an angle towards her shoulder. "You look quite handsome yourself."

"Che."

"Dance with me!" she exclaimed suddenly. He shook his head.

"I don't dance."

"Come on! It's easy. I'll show you. Just follow me," she said, taking hold of his hand, leading him to the center of the room.

"Really, Lenalee, I can't," he insisted.

"Kanda, stop complaining," she said. She took his right hand and placed it on the small of her back. Kanda blushed and jerked his hand upward. She grasped his left hand in her own and placed her right hand on his shoulder.

"Kanda," she said.

"What?"

"Put your hand on my waist."

"That's highly inappropriate!" he said. She smiled.

"That's the proper hold." She looked at him expectantly. He raised his eyes to the ceiling and back down before lowering his hand to her waist. She started leading them around the floor.

"See," she said. "You're not that bad. You've yet to step on my- Ow!. Never mind."

"Sorry," Kanda said, laughing. Lenalee started to laugh. For the first time that night, he was having a good time. But then, suddenly, the music began to stop.

"I don't want this song to end," Lenalee said, as the band played the final beats of the waltz.

"Me either," Kanda whispered, more to himself than Lenalee. She heard him, however, and smiled.

"LENALEE! WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Oh no! Komui!" she exclaimed. Kanda took her wrist.

"Come on," he said, dragging her through the crowd of Order members. He was moving quickly through the throng, Lenalee stumbling behind him. Soon, he reached a door. He opened it, pulled Lenalee through, and closed it behind them.

They were outside on a balcony. The sky was dark, dotted with stars. The moon was shining brightly. The wind blew his hair around his face.

"Wow, look at the moon! It's beautiful!"

Kanda turned to face Lenalee. Her hair had fallen out of the bun, leaving her curls hanging down to her shoulders. Her smile was bright, her cheeks flushed. She turned to him and caught his eye.

"Isn't it beautiful, Kanda?" she asked.

"Yes," he replied, stepping forward, toward her. He placed his hand on her face. He heard her breathing speed up. His left arm encircled her waist, drawing her closer. He could feel her chest rise and fall with her breath. He leaned down and whispered in her ear.

"Do you mind if I try something?" He did not wait for an answer. His right hand trailed down her jawline until it was under her chin. He lifted her face up to his and gently kissed her lips. Lenalee was tense at first, but then she relaxed and reached around him to hook her arms around his next. He wrapped both arms around her waist.

A sudden light broke them apart. Kanda glared toward the light brimming from the open door.

"Whoa!" Lavi said. Kanda stepped far back from Lenalee. "Enjoying ourselves?"

"Lavi!" Lenalee and Kanda yelled simultaneously.

"What!?"

"You idiot!" Kanda sneered.

"That's rude. So does this mean that you are off limits now?" he addressed Lenalee. She blushed furiously.

"Well...um"

"Yes. But lets keep it private for a while." Lenalee turned in shock towards Kanda. He managed to smile at her. She grinned back.

"I thought I had a chance," Lavi said in mock hurt. "Don't worry. I won't tell a soul."

* * *

**I don't know about you, but I like this chapter. That sounds kind of conceited, doesn't it?**

**Anyway, do you think that Kanda is OOC? I hope not, because I already have this story written. I'm just trying to find time to type it up.**

**Please review! I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5

5

By noon the next day it seemed that the whole of headquarters knew that Kanda and Lenalee had kissed and were together. Surprisingly enough, everyone accepted it relatively easily. Everyone, that is, except Komui and Allen.

"Lenalee! How could you?" Komui cried. Lenalee rolled her eyes and tried to sooth her brother.

"Nii-san, relax."

"How can I relax? You and Kanda! Kanda! An item! It's insane!"

"Komui please understand," Lenalee begged.

"Understand what?"

"I love him." Komui looked up at her with teary eyes. She waited. He kept crying.

"Kanda!" yelled Allen. Kanda turned around, on his way down the hall.

"What Moyashi?"

"It's Allen."

"Like I care. What do you want?"

"You and Lenalee are together now, right?" he asked. Kanda sighed. He was going to kill that rabbit.

"That's a yes?"

"Yes." Allen furrowed his brows.

"If you hurt her, I will kick your ass."

"Are you threatening me, Moyashi?"

"Maybe so," he trailed off.

"Why you! I will run you in two. You better watch yourself."

"As should you," Allen said evenly. He turned and walked away. Kanda glared at his retreating back, then ran off to find Lavi.

"LAVI, YOU BASTARD!" Kanda yelled. He watched with content when the rabbit cringed.

"What?" the red-haired exorcist asked innocently.

"You told everyone!?"

"I swear I didn't mean to! It kind of slipped. I'M SORRY!" he cried when Kanda unsheathed Mugen. Kanda sighed and put his katana away.

"You're not going to hurt me?" Lavi asked in a whisper.

"No. It'd be a waste of my energy."

"Gee, thanks," Lavi replied sarcastically.

"Would you rather I kill you?"

"No," Lavi said, shrinking against the wall.

"Then don't be an idiot!" Kanda yelled. He turned and walked off.

"I'm sorry!" Lavi called.

"Che."

Kanda heard footsteps cross the room. He didn't even open his eyes when the person sat next to him. He was meditating, and didn't want to loose his focus.

"What?" he asked when the person sighed.

"Nothing." Kanda opened his eyes now.

"Lenalee, somethings wrong. What is it?" She was staring at her fingers folded in her lap. Her hair created a curtain, blocking her face.

"Please tell me," he said.

"It's Komui. I don't think he likes that we're, you know, together."

"Yeah, well we all know that he has a sister complex. And anyway, it's not just him. Moyashi seems to have an issue with us too."

"Allen?"

"Yeah. Damned Moyashi threatened to beat me if I hurt you," he said in a low voice, his anger showing through.

"Allen said that?"

"Yes," he said. He reached for her hand. "But that will never happen."

She smiled. "Thanks. For everything."

"You're welcome." He kissed her forehead.

"So Lavi told everyone then?"

"Stupid rabbit can't keep his mouth shut. I swear I will never tell him any secrets of mine. Or, next time he sees something, I'll just kill him."

"Kanda!"

"What?"

"That's awful!"

"Sorry. Now be quiet. I was meditating." She would have been hurt by his sharp words if it had not been for the smile that formed on his lips. She crossed her legs and sat quietly.

They meditated silently for a while. Kanda relaxed and let himself drift away. His head cleared of all thoughts. He opened his eyes and glanced at Lenalee. She looked incredibly peaceful. His lips turned upward at the girl who had chosen him over all the others.

The thought was a little troubling to him. It was surprising that Lenalee would chose him over someone like, well, someone like Allen. Allen was, though Kanda hated to admit it, much nicer than himself. He never lost his temper or snapped unexpectedly at someone. Kanda couldn't help but be mean to pretty much everyone.

He didn't know what it was, but Lenalee had found something in him to hold on to. He looked again at her peaceful face. He reached out and grabbed her hand, folding it in his own.

She opened her eyes. Her smile reached her eyes and she scooted right next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Why me?" he whispered. Lenalee tilted her face towards his and gave him a swift kiss.

"If you must know," she responded, "I love you."

* * *

**I apologize for how short this chapter is. I really wanted to post something. Also I am sorry that Kanda is so OOC. I tried, but I can't figure out how to make him normal.**

**Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

6

"Komui! I'm perfectly fine to go on this mission!" Kanda insisted. He was in Komui's office with Lenalee and four other exorcists. Komui had just assigned the latter five a mission that would be exceptionally dangerous.

"Kanda, I'm sorry. I have to take into account the injuries that you sustained in the Ark when fighting that Noah."

"That was nothing!" Kanda yelled angrily. He folded his arms across his chest.

"And," Komui continued as if Kanda hadn't spoken, "I have to think of the injuries you sustained when you fought against the Level 4, without your Innocence."

"Komui," Kanda said, exasperated, "do you see any cuts or scars?" He held up his arms. "I'm fine," he repeated.

"Enough! We've just received a terrible blow to the Order, with all the destruction caused by the Level 4. Your newly remade Innocence needs to be trained with lower level demons. I've already had this argument with Lavi and I am not having it again with you!"

"Che," Kanda sighed in defeat. He knew that there was nothing he could do now that Komui had made up his mind. All he could do was wait for the exorcists, Lenalee, to come back home.

"Good. Now you five may depart. Farewell my beloved Lenalee," Komui said with teary eyes.

"Goodbye Nii-san!" Lenalee called behind her. Kanda started to follow them out.

"Wait Kanda! I want a word with you," Komui yelled at his retreating back. Lenalee paused when Komui called Kanda's name. Kanda sighed and grabbed Lenalee's hand.

"Lenalee, be careful," he said.

"I will," she promised. Kanda pulled her close, well aware of Komui's disbelieving face. He kissed her forehead, sure that Komui was going to yell at him about defiling his sister.

"I love you," he whispered. She kissed his lips and ran to catch up to the other exorcists. Kanda turned and sauntered over to Komui's desk. He leaned against a bookshelf, laughing silently to himself at Komui's red face.

"Well?" Kanda demanded. Komui shook his head, composing himself.

"Kanda," he began, " you need to be careful."

"Komui, I understand that you are worried about Lenalee and I. Get over it. Nothing is going to change."

"That's not it. Well that's not it at the moment," he stated uneasily.

"Then what?" Kanda snapped. He was steadily growing more angry with the supervisor.

"It's about your lotus," Komui said in a voice just barely audible. That reeled Kanda back in. It was his turn to loose his composure.

"What!?"

"I'm worried about your lotus," Komui began again.

"There's nothing wrong with it!"

"How many petals are left Kanda?" Komui asked. Kanda glared at him.

"Kanda? How many?" he prompted.

"Nine."

"Nine. And you've lost two in the past three months. That's too many too fast, Kanda. You need to stop putting your life on the line. It's dangerous."

Kanda straightened up and walked to the door. When he reached it he turned back around to face Komui.

"I'm an exorcist. That's what I do." He slammed the door shut behind him.

**

* * *

**

**Sorry about how short the chapter is. I promise the next one will be longer.**

**Please Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

7

"Ow! OW!" Lavi yelled, clutching his side. "Kanda, I'm done. I've had enough."

They were in the training room, practicing sparring. Both were sporting fresh bruises and Kanda had succeeded in taking Lavi down numerous times.

"Fine." Kanda walked away and went to shower. When he left his room, dressed in his full exorcists uniform, he saw a procession of mixed finders and exorcists walking down the hall.

"What's going on?" he asked on. The Finder he had addressed was crying. Kanda suppressed a nervous shake.

"The exorcists have returned," he sobbed.

_No! Dammit!_ Kanda ran down the hall, weaving through the groups of people. All he could think of was that Lenalee had returned safely. He couldn't even consider that she had died. He knew that if something happened to her he didn't want to live anymore. Kanda wasn't sure how or when he had become so dependent on her. He just knew that he wanted to be by her side always and forever.

He entered the room where people queued up to say their final goodbyes. He pushed past a group of Finders and as Reever. He and much of the Science Department were there, gathered around four caskets. He jogged over.

Each of the four caskets was covered with a white cloth bearing the Rose Cross. Exorcists. Kanda 's mind reeled. He searched the faces and his eyes landed on Komui.

The chief was kneeling on the floor, sobbing. Lavi and Bookman were there, each with a hand on Komui's shoulders. Kanda's heart stopped.

"Komui?" he said. The supervisor looked at the young exorcist. "Lenalee? Is she...?"

Komui couldn't speak due to the fresh flow of tears. Kanda spun on his heel and left the room, believing the worst. Lenalee was dead. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He thought long and hard.

It came to him as he walked and Kanda knew he could hold out. It wouldn't be long until he could see her smiling face.

"Yu!" Lavi called behind him. The idea in Kanda's mind morphed. He could feel his anger mounting.

It was all Komui's fault. If he hadn't sent Lenalee on that mission, she wouldn't be gone. He could still be with her. The anger mixed with his sadness, making it unbearable.

A hand on his shoulder spun him around. Lavi had caught up. His eyes showed concern. It annoyed Kanda that they weren't sparkling with tears for their friend. Hadn't Lavi liked Lenalee?

"Kanda, I know that you're upset, but you need to calm down. I have to tell you something very important," Lavi said. He had both hands on Kanda's shoulder.

"Don't tell me to calm down," Kanda growled. He wrenched himself out of Lavi's grasp and sped up. He had just reached the next hall, where it curved in a big circle, when Lavi grabbed his wrist.

"Yu, please listen. Lenalee is-" He was cut off by a backhand across the face.

"Don't call me by my first name!" Kanda yelled. He grabbed his katana.

"Mugen," he said, running his index and middle fingers down the back of the blade. It glowed blue, signaling that the Innocence had been activated.

"Kaichu Ichigen! First Illusion: Hell's Insects!" The beasts swarmed and attacked Lavi. The bookman held up his hands in a feeble attempt to protect his face.

"I don't want to fight you," Lavi stated when the beasts had disappeared. But Kanda already had a plan. He pushed Lavi as hard as he could, forcing the other exorcist to crash into the wall with a resounding crack.

"Fight me you stupid usagi! Fight back!" he screamed. Lavi looked up at Kanda in terror. _He's snapped, _Lavi thought.

"I don't want to," he repeated. Kanda laughed humorlessly.

"Dumb rabbit. You're worthless. You shouldn't be an exorcist. Think of all the lives you've left unprotected. You've failed in your duty as an exorcist and a bookman," Kanda spat.

It was Lavi's turn to snap. He knew that Kanda was just trying to provoke him, but he had had enough. He took out his Innocence, not even bothering to tell Kanda that Lenalee was not among the dead. He didn't say that she had been close to death upon returning, but was now being cared for. He didn't tell Kanda that she would make it.

"Odzuchi, Kodzuchi! Man, man, man!" The hammer grew in size. Lavi swung like a batter and hit Kanda with the hammer. Kanda flew across the gap in the floor, through the railing on the other side, and into the wall. He staggered when he got up, but was otherwise okay.

"Nigentou! Two illusion blades!" A band of energy flowed from Mugen. It circled behind Kanda and into his other hand, where a second blade formed. He sprinted around the circular hall and swiped at Lavi. Cuts appeared on each of his cheeks. Blood streamed down his face.

"Kanda!" he said, shocked. He reached up and wiped blood away.

"Baka usagi!" Kanda yelled. He needed to anger Lavi much more for his plan to work. Lavi swung his hammer, but Kanda dodged it. "Hakka Tourou. Eight Flowers Praying Mantis!"

Kanda struck Lavi, leaving a pattern resembling a lotus bloom on his back. Lavi fell to the ground. On any other opponent, Kanda would have used his full force. But he needed Lavi to be able to move.

"One last invocation," he muttered. Then, "Shouka Sublimate. Taboo three illusions." Kanda activated the tattoo on his chest. He knew his pupils were three dots and veins had surfaced around his eyes. Part of his life force was being used up.

Lavi stood shakily. Blood spurted from his mouth as he spoke. "Hi Ban: Gouka Kaijin. Fire Seal: Conflagration of Ash." He swung his hammer into the air and smashed it forcibly onto the ground.

_Finally, _Kanda thought, as he was engulfed in a torrent of flames in the form of a snake. Mugen fell from his grip. He dropped to his knees.

Lavi barely registered the footsteps running towards him. He looked up and saw Allen standing over him.

"Lavi? What's going on? Who is in your flame? An akuma?" Allen walked closer and recognized the figure in the flame.

"Kanda!?" Allen exclaimed, shocked. He turned to Lavi, who was now sitting up. He ran over to him. Just as he was about to speak, an agonizing scream pierced the silence. Kanda was screaming inside the fire seal. How, with all the air being sucked away, Allen didn't know, but he knew that he needed to get Kanda out.

"Lavi! You need to deactivate. You're killing Kanda!" Lavi looked from Allen to Kanda, and back to Allen again.

"Gomen," he apologized. He grabbed his hammer and lifted it into the air. "Odzuchi, Kodzuchi. Deactivate." The fiery snake disappeared.

"Thank you Lavi," Allen said. Lavi smiled before slumping to the ground, unconscious. Allen turned just in time to see Kanda slam to the ground. He was soon at the Japanese exorcists' side.

"Kanda! Kanda, wake up! Help! Someone help me!" he yelled. Upstairs, in Kanda's room, a lotus flower dropped and shed its petals.


	8. Chapter 8

8

He opened his eyes. Bright light entered his pupils and he glared into space. He turned his head to the right and saw a familiar face smiling at him.

"Lenalee?" he questioned. Tears were pouring from her eyes. "Is it really you?"

"It's really me. I'm here Kanda," she said sobbing.

"This isn't a dream?" he asked, his throat tightening. He found that he could not believe. Lenalee was supposed to be dead. This was definitely a dream.

"Of course it's a dream," he said. "You're not real."

Hurt flooded her eyes, but Kanda didn't care. He sat up in his bed and an excruciating pain seared from his ribs. He grunted in pain and grasped his side. Looking down, he saw his whole torso was wrapped in bandages, and his hands to elbows as well. _You don't get hurt in dreams._

"Damn," he swore. Realization hit him. He looked around and saw that he was in the hospital wing. Lavi was across the room, standing with his back facing Kanda, allowing the nurse to change the bandages wrapped around his own torso. On his back were the telltale scars from an Eight Flowers Praying Mantis.

He turned again to Lenalee. She too was heavily bandaged and her hair looked as if it had been chopped off. This was real.

"Lenalee! You're alive!" He jumped out of his bed, much to his body's dismay, and went to Lenalee. He sat on her bed and pulled her close. "I thought you were dead."

"I almost was," she said. "But I'm okay now." She returned his embrace. Kanda kissed the top of her head, not caring about the tears that were running down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he said. They continued to hold onto each other. Then a voice interrupted their peace.

"Yu! You're finally awake!" Lavi was standing over them by now. He lowered himself to gingerly sit on the edge of Kanda's hospital bed.

"Finally awake?"

"You were out for three days," Lavi told him. His face grew suddenly serious and scared. "Kanda, I am so sorry about what I did to you. I wasn't thinking. Please forgive me."

"I do. And I'm sorry for attacking you."

"Thanks Yu."

"Forget about it," Kanda said seriously. "And if you call me Yu again I will kill you," he threatened.

"Always so scary," Lavi muttered, but he grinned at Kanda anyway. Kanda took Lenalee's hand and grinned back.

* * *

**And that's the end. I hope that you enjoyed reading this. If you are looking for more Kanda I have a KandaxOC fic called Silver Lining that you can check out.**

**Thank you so much for reading my story.**


End file.
